Dear Madison,

All the mermaids I know can talk of nothing else but the so-called wedding and what they’re going to wear that day. Do we have to wear anything? Does there even have to be a wedding? Why can’t they have an old-fashioned joining ceremony on the Private Beach and then everyone goes for a swim after its all over?

Old Fashioned


Dear Old,

A bit of history is in order here. Centuries ago when our ancestors lived in the sea full time, there was no such thing as a ‘joining ceremony’. The couple would simply go to their friends and family to announce they’d chosen each other as mates. There might be the additional step which was a sort of ceremonial adoption by each family of their child’s mate but that was the very most which could happen.

When we came ashore on Colony Island, mermaids had their first contact with human wedding customs and the joining ceremony was devised as a substitute. While it was better than nothing, most mermaids still longed for a wedding and some chose human mates in order to have one. This brought its own set of problems which I am loathe to discuss at this moment.

While human ceremonies are often just as simple as our joining ceremonies, there are plenty of couples who will put on their fanciest clothes for the occasion. Those family and friends who choose to celebrate this joyous event with them will also put on their best clothes as well, making sure not to outshine the bride and her mate. 

Since all Colony Island mermaids want a wedding of their own – you seem to be the only exception – it is easy to understand why your girlfriends are excited about the upcoming event and what they plan to wear. Since Colony Island’s Finest will be out in force that day, I suggest you wear something – anything – if you plan to attend.


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