BannerValentines for MermaidsDear Madison,

We recently moved to Royston because of my mate’s job. Nothing was available on the South side of town, where the Enclave is, so we had to settle for the far west end of Royston. Needless to say, we don’t have the carpool opportunities for the school run that you have in the Enclave area.

After much debate and many lectures, we decided to send our daughter to the county school starting the 1st of the year. She was adjusting quite well and fitting in with the 2nd grade children on the mainland, until today.
One of the little girls in her class gave her this card thing. Needless to say, she was very upset and so were my mate and I when she came home from school.

What is this? What does it mean? Have they found out about mer-folk? Is this some kind of threat or harassment? My mate wants us to put to sea, immediately. I like it here and don’t want to leave unless we have to. Please help! I don’t want my daughter to wind up in an exhibit at Sea World!

Frantic in Royston

Dear Frantic,

After consulting with the professors at the Colony Academy, I am happy to say you have nothing to worry about. According to Mrs. Herring, they’ve decided to start teaching the children about mainland holidays this year. If your little mermaid had been able to continue at the Academy, she would have learned all about Valentine’s Day.

Apparently, this is a minor human holiday celebrated amongst children and adult human females. The children exchange these cards called ‘Valentines’ while adult females expect their boyfriends or mates to shower them with shiny trinkets and other forms of tribute. Human males receive little – if anything – in return, but they do have the honour of providing this tribute and woe betides them if they forget or fail to deliver the proper shiny trinket expected by the female.

Returning to your daughter’s predicament, there are all sorts of characters gracing these ‘Valentines’, including mermaids. Admittedly, they are kind of cute even if the puns are a bit cheesy. The mer-girls look more like we do – no starfish! – and on extremely rare occasions, they will even feature a mer-boy.

Tell your sweet little mermaid that there is nothing to fear from these ‘Valentines’ and next year, she can join in the fun. I would advise, however, that she refrain from giving cards with mermaid themes. It’s best to avoid tempting fate.


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