Ask Madison: A reader’s outrage

Advice - A reader's outrage

Dear Madison,

I am absolutely appalled at the advice you gave to the ‘Anguished Mother’ a few weeks ago. Absolutely appalled!

You should have told that poor woman to grab her wayward daughter, take her to sea and find a good feral mate for the child. That, and breeding at the next full moon, would have shown that silly girl where true happiness lies for mermaids. Floundering about and suggesting ‘Anguished Mother’ should get to know this human boy does no one any good at all.

What kind of advice is this? You have no business setting yourself up as some sort of quasi-moral authority. Encouraging contact with humans is the road to ruin for our kind and I intend to speak to the editor about this. Judging from the laughable response to that letter in the following issue, we need to nip this in the bud before it’s too late. The next thing you know, someone – maybe even that Tench woman, who has clearly lost her mind – will suggest we start adopting humans. An idea such as that is beneath contempt.

If your editor won’t listen to reason, I shall speak with the mayor and have him yank the rug out from under you. That grant from the town is the only thing that keeps this poor excuse for a newspaper afloat.

Samia Marinos


Dear Samia,

                Go suck a herring.


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