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FAQ : Why do merfolk always take a shower when they come in from a swim?

Why do merfolk always take a shower when they come in from a swim? Wouldn’t they already be clean?

 Good Question. Fish secrete a mucous film to help them move through the water. It also protects them from bacterial infections. Merfolk are no different. In fact, Peter wonders why Penelope’s tail isn’t slimy[1] when he picks her up in Chapter 9 of Urban Mermaid[2].  What separates a mermaid’s tail from that of an actual fish is that the mucous[3] does not appear until they hit the water. When they leave the water, it rapidly dries to a fine, somewhat gritty, layer of dust. It is this gritty layer of dust that the merfolk of Colony Island wash off by taking a shower.


Feral merfolk spend most of their time in the water so there is no need to wash the dried mucous film off. This presents something of a problem when ferals decide to have a go at living on land. Getting them to understand what a shower is for and actually using it[4] is a daunting task, to say the least.


Civilised merfolk take regular showers just like the rest of us when they spend time on land.

If you’re new to all this & are wondering just what the heck is going on here, catch up by reading Urban Mermaid. It’s available from Amazon for both print & Kindel. You can save time by using the links n the sidebar to the right. Happy Reading.


[1] Ironically, the Tench Fish (Tinca tinca) is one of the slimiest ones out there. Keep in mind that ‘Tench’ is simply a family name and does not imply any genetic relationship to the Tench Fish.

[2] This is the first time Peter has ever really handled her while she was ‘entailed’. Peter does touch Penelope’s tail upon her request to do so in Chapter 2. However, it is merely to confirm that these are actual scales and not part of some kind of costume.

[3] The mucous film feels more like waterproof sunscreen than anything else. It does not, however, convey any protection from the sun.

[4] Shower fixtures in Feraltown homes have a sort of governor built in that permits the water to run for up to nine minutes. After that, the water shuts off and ferals must wait 9 minutes before the governor resets itself. Without the governor, there would be sky-high water bills in Feraltown.

A Major Announcement

A Major Announcement

This is a major announcement.[1] No, Syrena is not on its way to the printers. This announcement comes in three parts so let’s get cracking.

Editorial triage.

Thanks to my deft surgical skills – Once upon a time, I operated on lab rats in college – the scene mentioned in Catching Up has been successfully edited and saved from the circular file. Now if only the rest of my editorial work would be half as successful.

Book # 3

I’m pleased to announce the title of Book # 3 will be Life on Colony Island. The book will consist of a series of interwoven subplots. Penelope and Peter will only appear intermittently. Major Teaser: Carl the Pizza Guy finally finds love.

Book # 4

I’m also pleased to announce the title of Book # 4 will be Suburban Mermaid. Penelope and Peter have been married for 5 years, now. Penelope’s urge to breed is getting pretty strong and Ilene is champing at the bit to crank out merbaby # 2. She wouldn’t mind having another little mermaid. That’s okay with George as Poseidon has already sent him the best son he could ever ask for. Can Peter live up to these great expectations?

There will be a Book # 5 but I’m not sure about Books # 6 or 7. If I stopped it at # 5, there would be a lot to wrap up in # 5, however.

And that’s it for now. I start working on the second batch of fruitcakes this afternoon as well as beginning the curing process for the first batch.

A Note for Consumers: Any earrings, fingers, pipes, etc. found in your fruitcake are the property of The Parsonage Fruitcake Factory Ltd. and should be returned post-haste.   Thanks!

[1] Not to be confused with “a Major Award”

Catching Up

Well, it’s been a while, so let’s do some catching up.

Third shelf from the top in the right-hand corner.

Frankfurt Book Fair

The Urban Mermaid packed her bags and went to Frankfurt, Germany for the annual book fair. This is said to be the largest event of this kind in the world. I don’t know yet if this business trip resulted in any big orders for Book # 1. Only time will tell.

Banging away on book # 2

Chapter 13, the one that refused to be written, is under construction. I hope to have it done by Friday; sooner if any flashes of inspiration hit me.

Meanwhile, I’m busily correcting goof-ups such as a scene I wrote earlier. The scene takes place after a pivotal moment in the story, but the characters are acting like that moment has not happened yet. I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking at the time. The scene can’t be used as is, but I don’t want to put it in the circular file[1]. Right now, I’m doing a bit of editorial triage to see if the scene can be modified and used elsewhere.

I wrote a number of scenes in advance of the main authorial effort. Now that the book is coming together, I must take – more like find, actually – those scenes and insert them in the various chapters. This involves a bit of tinkering in both the scene and the chapter it belongs to. Finally, there’s smoothing things over so it appears to be seamless.

A high honour

I recently had dinner at the mountainside home of an old colleague and her husband. This former workmate is also a fan of Urban Mermaid and told me that I had written with an authentic woman’s voice. Since I’ve been a guy most of my life, I’m not sure where the female voice came from, but I am grateful for the compliment nonetheless.


You may remember the chapter in Urban Mermaid where Peter proposes to Penelope[2]. Peter locks himself in the bathroom to steel himself for what he must do. He finds comfort in his grandfather’s stories from World War II and imagines himself jumping with the 101st Airborne on D-Day.

The Iowa Gold Star Military Museum[3] recently opened its World War II gallery which includes a mock-up of Airborne soldiers, jumping from a C-47. Much of the work on that exhibit, as well as the rest of the gallery, was done by the friend from college who’s mentioned in Footnote #1.

[1]This is a shout-out to a friend from college who now lives in Iowa. He wrote a somewhat regular column called The Circular File for the campus newspaper. The official name of the paper was The Decree, but everyone called it The Debris.

[2] Actually, Penelope proposes to Peter first, but he’s distracted by some surprising news and her proposal goes right over his head.

[3] Iowa Gold Star Military Museum, 7105 Northwest 70th Avenue, Johnston, IA 50131  Phone: (515) 252-4531

Book # 2, where are you?

In case the title of this post seems vaguely familiar – and you have to be pretty old for that – it’s a play on the 60’s TV comedy, Car 54, Where Are You. In case some dim memory has been stirred, I’ve included the lyrics to the theme song[1].

Let’s get down to cases

You’re probably wondering just where book # 2 – the working title is Syrena – happens to be. After all, I’ve been saying “almost there” for months and months. Well, I was about to send a sample off to my publisher when I discovered I wasn’t happy with things the way they were. Oh, I’m happy with the book in general but there are a few things that need to be changed.

Issues and answers

For one thing, I added something to the plot which was meant to be a running gag. The idea behind that was:

  1. To show Penelope is just like her mother; a bit over the top at times.
  2. To show that the folks on Colony Island can be real copy-cats when they put their minds to it.

The residents are indeed copy-cats It’s a survival mechanism for living on land; do what the locals do so you can blend in and not give away the ‘secret’. Penelope is indeed just like her mother, but I already had one example of Penelopine over-the-top-ness and that is enough. The running gag just made things a bit too silly. The folks on Colony Island are a bit odd but they are definitely not silly.

Another problem was that I needed to do some more character development on Peter’s friend, Billy King[2]. I also need to do a bit of work on Penelope’s character as well.

And in conclusion

There are a few other bits & bobs like that as well. I will probably still send that sample off to my publisher. Nonetheless, I need to figure out how I’m going to go through all the stuff I’ve written and make it better. That’s the hard part.

[1] There’s a holdup in the Bronx, 
Brooklyn’s broken out in fights.
There’s a traffic jam in Harlem
That’s backed up to Jackson Heights.
There’s a scout troop short a child,
Khrushchev’s due at Idlewild
Car 54, Where Are You?

[2] There’ll be more about Billy King in a later post.

Ah, Sweet Mystery

I’ve never fancied myself to be a writer of mysteries. I tend to leave that sort of thing to the big boys like Ian Rankin. Nonetheless, I did fold a few into Urban Mermaid. If you’ve read the novel, you’ll know whereof I speak. If you haven’t read the novel, then go buy a copy, post-haste. I’m starving here and could really use the money to buy my parakeet a new iron lung.

There is, however, a minor mystery you may have overlooked. I had originally planned to ‘solve” the mystery in the epilogue but including that bit just made things clunky. I resolved to use the mystery’s solution in a subsequent title but book # 2 is pretty much set and still no place to put the answer.

There’s always book # 3 or # 4 or even # 5 but I doubt that someone is going to remember this wee mystery four books later. If I do, you’ll have forgotten all about this blog post by then. In other words, no harm, no foul.

Here’s what happens

So, let’s get down to business, shall we? The mystery begins when Penelope goes shopping for a wedding dress. The merfolk of Colony Island don’t do weddings and therefore Peter has been dragooned into tagging along since he is somewhat familiar with this sort of thing.

At the bridal salon, Penelope goes through dress after dress and finds nothing that suits her. The owner[1] of the salon has about had it with these wahoos from Colony Island and is eager to see the back of them. She announces that Penelope has seen just about everything except for a very retro gown that arrived a short while ago. There was no price-tag or any other kind of documentation with it. The owner assumes that the company was simply getting rid of some old samples.

A lingering question

As it turns out, the dress fits perfectly, and Penelope looks beautiful in it. Penelope says yes to the dress and a major item on her to-do list has been ticked off. The astute reader is left wondering just how the perfect wedding dress managed to turn up out of nowhere, shortly before Penelope pays a visit to the salon.

The mystery solved

Well, the astute reader will remember from the Epilogue that Poseidon was the deus ex machina for the whole affair. Penelope and Peter finding each other was the result of some divine matchmaking by the god of the Sea. Poseidon even went as far as to choose a dress that Penelope would adore, a dozen years before she went shopping. And that, my friends, is how Penelope’s wedding dress showed up out of nowhere.

[1] The owner is a caricature of Lori Allen from Say Yes to the Dress – Atlanta. Bet you didn’t know that.

Syrena – Progress is being made

Syrena - Progress is being made It’s been a while – okay, it’s been a very long while – since I updated my loyal followers on progress with Syrena. I know it seems like forever since I started on the Sequel to Urban Mermaid and some of you have probably given up hope of ever seeing the second book in the series. Well, I’m here to tell you progress is being made.

Right now, I’m putting the finishing touches[1] on the first ten chapters of Syrena. Once that’s done, it goes off to my publisher to see what she thinks of it. If any of you on the left coast hear riotous laughter emanating from the general direction of Renton, Washington, you’ll know things are not going well.

What Comes Next

In the meantime, I’ll press on with cleaning up chapters 11 through 20.[2] When – and if – my publisher comes through with suggestions for the first 10 chapters, I’ll be able to apply them to chapters 11 through 20. Bear in mind that the publisher’s suggestions may simply be to forswear writing and try selling Cloverine Brand Salve door to door.[3]

After that comes the third batch of chapters and the Epilogue. Originally, I had not planned to produce a prologue for this book. Upon further reflection, I’ve decided to write a relatively short prologue of The story thus far . . . variety. I probably need to include a dramatis personae as well. Most of the characters from Urban Mermaid will again appear in Syrena.[4] There will also be a few new characters who will play significant roles in future books.

Finally, please keep in mind that this is only the first draft and there will be at least one revision before the book goes to press. On the other hand, the revisions should take a lot less time than the first draft so do not despair.

I’m hoping to use the same graphics designer as I did for the cover of Urban Mermaid.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to see about ordering a dozen cases or so of Cloverine Brand Salve.


[1] In this case, the term ‘finishing touches’ includes – but is not limited to – writing five or six paragraphs of moderate length.

[2] This includes writing and/or finishing a couple of chapters that just didn’t want to be transcribed.

[3] Those of you who are of a certain age and belonged to the Boy Scouts will remember adverts in Boy’s life offering you the chance to make extra money by doing this.

[4] Yes, Raymond and Ethyl Merman, Ilene’s parents, will also return. (Sigh)

All in fun

All in fun
On Colony Island, both Poseidon & Neptune are used to refer to the god of the sea. The latter is most commonly used in the phrase, “Sweet Neptune!”

Hanukkah 5778

Happy Hanukkah from your friends on Colony Island


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